#009

Thick, grey rain ran down glass panes.
Large black eyes curiously push aside
curtains of reflections
to look out;
heedless of naked legs,
pushing painted dreams off
an empty bed to sleep, while
between fibres of tangled hair,
Love quietly raised wet lashes,
pouting,
hungry.

 There is nothing for her tonight.

©Mohana Das

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10 thoughts on “#009

  1. Rosemary is certainly correct: your minute attention to detail always gets “under my skin”. The key phrase in this poem, for me, was “painted dreams”. This hinted at the reason why she is remaining “hungry.”

  2. Soft, sensuous and beautiful. I would ask you a couple a questions about your technique because I’m curious. I noticed that yo capitalize the entire first line, I am assuming you are doing that on purpose. I’ve noticed in a lot of older poetry, particularly sonnets and such from the 17th to early 1900s, that at least the first word is always all-caps. I never really questioned it, but when I see you doing it, it makes me wonder if there is a reason or if it is simply part of your style to do that. I never thought to bring it up in my classes, and the professors never made note of it. For whatever reason, it works very will for you. I’m not sure it would work as well for me. I like your style though, I like short poetry over longer poems. I have this theory that if one can write a succinct short poem, the feeling will linger longer than that of a longer poem, which is something I can’t see to get into my classmates heads in our workshops and they continue to sprawl out 30-60 line poems that actually say and express very little instead of concerning their selves with what is in effect– the soul of the poem. This is what you have done and it comes out beautifully. I have always told my instructors that if I can’t do it in less than twenty lines, then it isn’t worth doing because I am not at my best. As a matter of fact, I used a twenty-line guideline when I was editing the submissions for the school’s online journal. I don’t think that amused them, but I made the point that there are a lot of sites and publications that aren’t going to accept anything over twenty lines, unless of course they can write like Walt Whitman.

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