Now that you are leaving, I find no reason to drag on and on with this life. Till now I banked on you to loan me out of the blues, with you gone there will be none. What am I to do then?
I’m done fighting myself. Now that I have finally realized how much I love you, you are leaving. I do not blame you, its all my fault. I don’t know how could I do this to myself. But it is all too late now, and there are no chances left, no hopes.
Maybe I should go to the doctor, take anti-depression meds. But I know it will not heal me. I need you, need your love, and somehow “love” did never figure out in my life. I wouldn’t have written so beautifully otherwise.
I wish you would know how much I love you, how much I always have, knowingly, unknowingly but always, despite the uncertainty, despite myself. You will never know that you have been sunshine for me, vanquishing everything that hurt with a single smile, a single careless look. I owe you so much, of everything.
Now that you are leaving, this place will lose the only reason why I am still here. I do not know how am I going to live, walk these streets that will soon forget your smell, that warm autumn of your steps, how am I to live in a place where the rains will not drench me with your news, the winds will not murmur of your breathe…what am I to do, how am I to live?
It feels so vacant.
You will never know what it is that plagues me everyday. This distance that keeps growing between us kills. I know I can live without you, when I could live through mum’s death, I will be able to live through heartbreaks, but honestly I do not wish to, I do not want to be without you.
And yes, maybe I never got around to telling you but I do love you. More than a lot.