#095

some people grow up like me, some the way
i wish. but then it is
often (=always) a game of circumstance:

those that can impose a new memory on an old
-forget the underlying print-
escape. some try shaking off links,
leave out certain tastes, places, smells.
even certain degrees of light.

but most slowly crumble inside and
are gone in a way no one ever
sees.

for example, i. sometimes when it
rains i am a bird. sometimes the rain runs
down my shin in slow lines. it is strange anaethesia.
and i can hardly tell how capsaicin seethes
on tastebuds. even salt is a dead song.

after maa died, i gave up everything i loved.
and swore to waste away. yes,
exactly this way, in permanent denial.
it is all sillage, nothing more.

secretly i still crave her crisp mourola bhaja

©Mohana Das

mourola= Indian anchovy

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15 thoughts on “#095

  1. Imposing a new memory upon the old is so important…

    and a gift we humans do have..

    with the circumSPANCE

    of labyrinth of cognitive abilities…

    The dark places we go..with our ability to see the past..

    and forecast the future..can be nightmares…
    or

    DREAMS COME TRUE!

    smiles..and a great day!
    if ya will..:)!

  2. I always love your writing Mohana. This is a very well-written piece. I love your wording and exquisite vocabulary. You pick just the right words, and they’re strong words, too.

    This whole passage was fantastic:

    for example, i. sometimes when it
    rains i am a bird. sometimes the rain runs
    down my shin in slow lines. it is strange anaethesia.
    and i can hardly tell how capsaicin seethes
    on tastebuds. even salt is a dead song.

    And I loved the last line. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s lyrical and memorable. (I did google it; seems to be a fish dish but nothing came up specifically for mourola bhaja)
    Best,
    Mike

  3. I find this very inventive. It’s as though you have created a new vocabulary or rather a new way of arranging the vocabulary we know. By doing so, you leave layers of ambiguity that the consciousness can delve, and interpret individually and uniquely.

  4. That third stanza, especially, packed a wallop. You write and express truth so beautifully, Mohana. For me, there is an underlying tone of sadness throughout, culminating in loss. The detail of the anchovie is well-chosen.

  5. I like the idea of changing the imprint of some of our (sad) memories. Love when you write of being in the rain as a bird and it is your anesthesia and salt being a dead song…so powerful. Your last stanza was heartbreaking in its sadness…your words chosen perfectly. I enjoyed this, Mohana…you made my feelings get stirred up.

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